Libations for the Dead--A Firefly Fanfic

“The air is full of farewells to the dying,
And mournings for the dead.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Serenity was peaceful. You could never say the ship was quiet. But, occasionally you could have peace.

And they all could use some peace, Mal thought.

The bridge was empty save for him. He had sent River to bed hours ago after the girl had set a course from Persephone to their next job. While the events on Miranda had cleared the girl’s mind some, some of the madness still lingered. To the great disappointment of her brother.

‘Simon and River,’ he mused. ‘Life’s gotten mighty complicated since they got on my boat. Mighty complicated.’

Mal double-checked their course, noting that River’s plan had them reaching the job site a few hours earlier than he had planned and well outside any known Alliance routes. A nice piece of work actually. With a satisfied smile, he left the bridge to check on the rest of the ship.

He made himself keep a regular pace as he walked past the crew’s bunks, especially Zoe and Wash’s room. His second-in-command had been keeping herself together. But a loss like hers was something tough to get over.

And everyone felt Wash’s absence. Even Mal was missing the pilot’s wacky humor, not that he would admit it to anyone, including Zoe. If Kaylee was the soul of the crew, Wash was its laughter.

‘Had been,’ Mal reminded himself.

He was surprised to see the kitchen lights on. It could be Kaylee creating some late night sugar-high, probably with River in tow. However, there was no soft chit-chat or feminine giggles. It was far too quiet.

“Hello, sir.”

Mal studied his second-in-command carefully as he paused in the doorway. She was seated at the table at her usual spot. A half-empty bottle was there before her.

That concerned him.

Not the fact that she was drinking. He had seen Zoe drink countless times, usually alongside him. And it wasn’t that she was drunk, as her careful diction had told him. They had been drunk together many a time as well.

It was the fact that she was drinking alone. In all the years he had known her, and he felt that he had known her long enough, he had never seen her drink alone. Never in their long association.

“Private party?” he asked, keeping his tone neutral.

Zoe shook her head. “Not anymore. Have a seat. Still plenty left.”

He took the seat across from her and accepted the cup she offered. With a nod to her, he downed the liquor. Wincing, he slammed the glass down.

“Ai ya!” he swore, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Zoe, where the hell did you get this stuff?”

“Jayne’s bunk. I doubt he’ll be missing it any time soon.”

“Some would call that stealing, Zoe.”

“I like to think of it as unapproved borrowing, sir.”

He chuckled. “I hope Jayne sees it that way.”

“I can handle him.”

“I’m sure.”

He held his cup in front of her, a silent request for a refill. She complied and refreshed her glass as well. He watched her carefully as they downed the bitter brew.

She returned his gaze. That was one of the things he liked about her. Zoe never backed down from a challenge.

“Something on your mind, sir?”

“Just wondering what you are doing here, Zoe.”

“Drinking,” she replied. “Thought that would be obvious.”

“Yeah, but why are you drinking?”

She frowned, pulling her eyes away from his. She looked into the small glass of alcohol as if it held all the answers she needed. He hoped he was wrong about that.

She sighed, still looking into the glass. “Couldn’t sleep. Haven’t since Miranda.”

He was surprised by the admission and for a moment he was at lost as what to say. “I’m sorry.”

“Aren’t we all?” she answered with a bitter laugh.

“Zoe,” he began.

“Don’t,” she interjected. Her tone ordered no argument. Her eyes were pained as she looked up at him. “Please, Mal, don’t.”

She shook her head as she gazed back into her glass. “I can’t take any more sympathy. Kaylee, Simon, gui, even Jayne in his own screwed up way have been cuddling me. I can’t take it from you, too, captain.”

She downed her drink, no longer wincing at its taste. She reached for the bottle, but Mal pulled it out of her reach. She glared angrily at him, the first real emotion he had seen out of her in days.

“This isn’t the way, Zoe. It’s time for you to stop.”

“Qu ni de,” she spat, lunging for the bottle.

He pulled it further away from her. “This isn’t the way to deal with this. It will only make things worse.”

“Worse? How can things be worse?” Her voice rose with each word. “We almost died back there! All of us! And Wash did! And why? Because I followed you! Zaogao, I’ve always followed you.”

“Then maybe you should stop.”

“I can’t!” She dropped her head and gripped the small glass with both hands. “Maybe before, with him, I could have. But not now. This is all I have left.”

He took the glass from her. “No, it’s not.”

“That’s not what I was talking about,” she said quietly.

“I know.”

They studied each other for a long time. Her eyes finally showed all the hurt she had been hiding. And he allowed his face to show her that she was not alone in her grief.

“Marrying him was the only order of yours I disobeyed,” she mused, breaking the silence.

“And don’t think I’ve forgiven you for it yet,” Mal groused.

She smiled. “I’ve never regretted it.”

“Even now?”

“Even now.” She touched the leather necklace at her throat, her symbol of their marriage bond. “He was a good man.”

“That he was, Zoe. That he was.”

He took the bottle and refilled their glasses. She gave him a confused as he pushed hers in front of her. With a solemn air, he raised his glass. “To Wash, the best pilot I’ve ever flown with!”

“To Wash,” she repeated.

He quickly replenished their drinks. He raised his glass and looked at her expectantly. “Your turn.”

“To my husband, may he never be forgotten.”

“Shia,” Mal said, downing his drink.

They took turns making toasts and telling stories. It became easier for her to talk about Wash again. She was even laughing at the memories of some of his antics. While her heart still ached for him, she realized that she could face a life without him. Her friends, no, her family, would help her. She wouldn’t be alone.

Eventually the bottle was empty and they fell into another small silence. Again, it was Zoe who broke it. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier, sir.”

“Don’t be.”

“I was out of line.”

“Zoe.”

Again, she interrupted him. “We all made the decision to go to Miranda. I can’t blame you for what happened there. I should blame those tiansha de emo for that.”

“If you want to leave, I’ll understand,” he said. “There’ll be no hard feelings.”

She shook her head. “No, my place is here.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He stood up. “Now, it’s time to hit the sack. We’ve got crime tomorrow.”

“Think Badger’s planning on trying to fleece us?” Zoe asked as she rose to her feet.

He grinned. “I’d be more surprised if he didn’t.”

“Agreed.” She paused at the doorway of the kitchen. “Thank you, Mal.”

“Anytime, and I mean that.”

She nodded. “Good night, sir.”

“Night, Zoe.”

It would take time, he mused as he watched her head to her bunk, but Zoe was a strong woman. She would make it. And that relieved him greatly.

Turning off the light, he headed to his own bed.

The End

* * * * *
Chinese to English translations from http:// fireflychinese. home. att. ent

Ai ya—damn
Shia—affirmative
Gui—hell
Qu ni de—Screw you
Zaogao—Damn it
Tiansha de emo—Goddamn monsters


Libations for the Dead “The air is full of farewells to the dying, And mournings for the dead.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Serenity was peaceful. You could never say the ship was quiet. But, occasionally you could have peace. And they all could use some peace, Mal thought. The bridge was empty save for him. He had sent River to bed hours ago after the girl had set a course from Persephone to their next job. While the events on Miranda had cleared the girl’s mind some, some of the madness still lingered. To the great disappointment of her brother. ‘Simon and River,’ he mused. ‘Life’s gotten mighty complicated since they got on my boat. Mighty complicated.’ Mal double-checked their course, noting that River’s plan had them reaching the job site a few hours earlier than he had planned and well outside any known Alliance routes. A nice piece of work actually. With a satisfied smile, he left the bridge to check on the rest of the ship. He made himself keep a regular pace as he walked past the crew’s bunks, especially Zoe and Wash’s room. His second-in-command had been keeping herself together. But a loss like hers was something tough to get over. And everyone felt Wash’s absence. Even Mal was missing the pilot’s wacky humor, not that he would admit it to anyone, including Zoe. If Kaylee was the soul of the crew, Wash was its laughter. ‘Had been,’ Mal reminded himself. He was surprised to see the kitchen lights on. It could be Kaylee creating some late night sugar-high, probably with River in tow. However, there was no soft chit-chat or feminine giggles. It was far too quiet. “Hello, sir.” Mal studied his second-in-command carefully as he paused in the doorway. She was seated at the table at her usual spot. A half-empty bottle was there before her. That concerned him. Not the fact that she was drinking. He had seen Zoe drink countless times, usually alongside him. And it wasn’t that she was drunk, as her careful diction had told him. They had been drunk together many a time as well. It was the fact that she was drinking alone. In all the years he had known her, and he felt that he had known her long enough, he had never seen her drink alone. Never in their long association. “Private party?” he asked, keeping his tone neutral. Zoe shook her head. “Not anymore. Have a seat. Still plenty left.” He took the seat across from her and accepted the cup she offered. With a nod to her, he downed the liquor. Wincing, he slammed the glass down. “Ai ya!” he swore, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Zoe, where the hell did you get this stuff?” “Jayne’s bunk. I doubt he’ll be missing it any time soon.” “Some would call that stealing, Zoe.” “I like to think of it as unapproved borrowing, sir.” He chuckled. “I hope Jayne sees it that way.” “I can handle him.” “I’m sure.” He held his cup in front of her, a silent request for a refill. She complied and refreshed her glass as well. He watched her carefully as they downed the bitter brew. She returned his gaze. That was one of the things he liked about her. Zoe never backed down from a challenge. “Something on your mind, sir?” “Just wondering what you are doing here, Zoe.” “Drinking,” she replied. “Thought that would be obvious.” “Yeah, but why are you drinking?” She frowned, pulling her eyes away from his. She looked into the small glass of alcohol as if it held all the answers she needed. He hoped he was wrong about that. She sighed, still looking into the glass. “Couldn’t sleep. Haven’t since Miranda.” He was surprised by the admission and for a moment he was at lost as what to say. “I’m sorry.” “Aren’t we all?” she answered with a bitter laugh. “Zoe,” he began. “Don’t,” she interjected. Her tone ordered no argument. Her eyes were pained as she looked up at him. “Please, Mal, don’t.” She shook her head as she gazed back into her glass. “I can’t take any more sympathy. Kaylee, Simon, gui, even Jayne in his own screwed up way have been cuddling me. I can’t take it from you, too, captain.” She downed her drink, no longer wincing at its taste. She reached for the bottle, but Mal pulled it out of her reach. She glared angrily at him, the first real emotion he had seen out of her in days. “This isn’t the way, Zoe. It’s time for you to stop.” “Qu ni de,” she spat, lunging for the bottle. He pulled it further away from her. “This isn’t the way to deal with this. It will only make things worse.” “Worse? How can things be worse?” Her voice rose with each word. “We almost died back there! All of us! And Wash did! And why? Because I followed you! Zaogao, I’ve always followed you.” “Then maybe you should stop.” “I can’t!” She dropped her head and gripped the small glass with both hands. “Maybe before, with him, I could have. But not now. This is all I have left.” He took the glass from her. “No, it’s not.” “That’s not what I was talking about,” she said quietly. “I know.” They studied each other for a long time. Her eyes finally showed all the hurt she had been hiding. And he allowed his face to show her that she was not alone in her grief. “Marrying him was the only order of yours I disobeyed,” she mused, breaking the silence. “And don’t think I’ve forgiven you for it yet,” Mal groused. She smiled. “I’ve never regretted it.” “Even now?” “Even now.” She touched the leather necklace at her throat, her symbol of their marriage bond. “He was a good man.” “That he was, Zoe. That he was.” He took the bottle and refilled their glasses. She gave him a confused as he pushed hers in front of her. With a solemn air, he raised his glass. “To Wash, the best pilot I’ve ever flown with!” “To Wash,” she repeated. He quickly replenished their drinks. He raised his glass and looked at her expectantly. “Your turn.” “To my husband, may he never be forgotten.” “Shia,” Mal said, downing his drink. They took turns making toasts and telling stories. It became easier for her to talk about Wash again. She was even laughing at the memories of some of his antics. While her heart still ached for him, she realized that she could face a life without him. Her friends, no, her family, would help her. She wouldn’t be alone. Eventually the bottle was empty and they fell into another small silence. Again, it was Zoe who broke it. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier, sir.” “Don’t be.” “I was out of line.” “Zoe.” Again, she interrupted him. “We all made the decision to go to Miranda. I can’t blame you for what happened there. I should blame those tiansha de emo for that.” “If you want to leave, I’ll understand,” he said. “There’ll be no hard feelings.” She shook her head. “No, my place is here.” “I’m glad to hear it.” He stood up. “Now, it’s time to hit the sack. We’ve got crime tomorrow.” “Think Badger’s planning on trying to fleece us?” Zoe asked as she rose to her feet. He grinned. “I’d be more surprised if he didn’t.” “Agreed.” She paused at the doorway of the kitchen. “Thank you, Mal.” “Anytime, and I mean that.” She nodded. “Good night, sir.” “Night, Zoe.” It would take time, he mused as he watched her head to her bunk, but Zoe was a strong woman. She would make it. And that relieved him greatly. Turning off the light, he headed to his own bed. The End * * * * * Chinese to English translations from http:// fireflychinese. home. att. ent Ai ya—damn Shia—affirmative Gui—hell Qu ni de—Screw you Zaogao—Damn it Tiansha de emo—Goddamn monsters


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